Nursery Rhymes and Petty Crimes Part II

     It was Friday night, and Ryan found himself wandering the South end, the streets were empty, deserted, and dark. He could feel the beat of steady bass vibrating the cracked sidewalk under his feet, but couldn't locate the right factory or its entrance. Gabriel's instructions had indicated the abandoned mill. There were two and he had just circled the entire chain link fence surrounding the one. The other, even farther south along Canal had long coils of razor wire in addition to the fence, and seemed less likely. As he passed the gate where the fence was bound tight with thick chains and a heavy master lock, he noticed a laminated sign screwed to the fence with the same kind of star-shaped bolts they used on bathroom stalls. It was a notice saying that the city had condemned the building because of health risks... blah blah blah. He had already thought of texting Maria, but she had never come by the Trader Joes to pick-up her phone.

#

     Maria wasn't grounded, but she might as well have been. She had set up her proxy parents to call the night before the rave and when the phone rang, Mary ran to get it, and quickly handed the cordless handset to Joseph. Pretending to occupy herself with the puzzle on the big card table in the living room where she had always felt the nonexistent TV should have been, Maria listened in on the one-sided conversation. Maria didn't see Joseph smile often, which he did when he realized who was on the other end. Their small talk drove Maria almost to hysterics with the suspense, but finally Joseph said, "Tomorrow night? I'm sorry, but Maria isn't available then."

     Maria felt her heart leap into her throat. She couldn't control herself and she asked, "Why not?" while he was still on the phone. The look he gave her had fire and brimstone too it and she knew she would pay for it later, yet he answered the caller, "Her brother Anthony is getting baptized Saturday morning.  I appreciate you offering to drive her home early, but I don't want her staying up too late and you know how girls can be at a sleep over."

     Anthony, the most recent, and youngest child in the house had been there for six months, which Leah and Joseph considered part of the family, and as such, he was to be baptized. Anthony even said he had already been baptized before, but it didn't matter. Joseph explained to him that It was part of the custom of joining the family.    

#

     There was a flash of blue light around the corner of the warehouse across the street, and Ryan felt his chest flutter with hope. He raced toward it and nearly stumbled into a small group of college kids. The men in the group were dressed fairly normal save one whose bleached Mohawk was tipped with glow-in-the-dark highlights. The women were bedazzled in plastic bracelets, short shorts, metallic bras, or vests, and the tops of glow sticks stuck out of their pockets. "The Queen of Tarts--" one of the women began to tell him.

     "Arabella," one of the men chided, "Look at this kid. He doesn't have any X."

     Ryan shook his head to confirm, then asked, "You guys know where you're going?"

     In answer one of them shined a UV flashlight at the sidewalk behind them, briefly revealing a crude drawing in black-light paint of a small rectangular brick wall, and a ladder above it.

     "Up the ladder and down the wall," one of the women recited.

#

     The trail of black-light paint led them down an abandoned and dry branch of the canal and up a cement culvert big enough for a car to fit through.  Along the left side of the wall someone had written in black-light paint, "Girls and boys, come out to play; The moon doth shine as bright as day..."

     Inside the club the music itself was a rowdy toddler who just wanted to play. It slammed into Ryan's chest, pulled on him impatiently and wrapped itself around his feet. His head immediately began to bob in rhythm as the toddler pulled him into the ocean of bouncing bodies, and bare skin. Before being fully immersed in the undertow, Ryan looked around for Maria but the flashing lights, the laser show, the jumping spinning glow-in-the-dark tribal body-pant orgy created a camouflage for the senses that pulled his eyes every-which-way. They wanted to focus on everything and nothing. Specificity wasn't an option. The sound and light crashed over him and the current carried him into the middle where he saw a trail of dancers with red balloons hanging out of their mouths. He followed the trail to a greater concentration of red balloons on the edge of the crowd and found Gabriel.

     "Heeeeeey, Red Horse 3!" Gabriel shouted into Ryan's ear.

     "It's not three... the '3' is the 'E'." He shook his head, "Never mind. The trilogy is dead. No one calls me Red Horse anymore. Have you seen Maria?"

     "Sorry Red Horse. Why? You need some milk?"

     Some high school girls shouldered past Ryan and make a quick exchange with Gabriel of money for balloons. "No. I guess I'm worried about her?" Ryan watched as one of the girls immediately put the balloon in her mouth and crushed something inside it. The balloon expanded, the girl relaxed her lips and inhaled whatever had filled the balloon. Her jaw went slack with euphoria, and the balloon fell to the floor. Her friends caught her, laughing, as her legs turned to jell-O, and pulled her back into the sea of bodies.

     "Worried?" Gabriel smiled, "Look around you, this is a safe place built on the tenants of peace and love!" Ryan looked past the smoke machines and mirror balls and saw a old mill building, rusting and falling apart. "Beside," Gabriel yelled into his ear, "That bitch is smart and tough as nails."

#

     Anthony squinched up his face as the priest poured a small trickle of water on his forehead, and part of it ran down into his eyes and rolled off his cheeks. The priest said, "God the Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ has freed you from sin, given you a new birth by water and the Holy Spirit, and welcomed you into his holy people."

     Maria leaned close to Josephine and whispered, "Isn't this supposed to be on a Sunday?"

     "Maria, shhhhh! There was a wedding scheduled."

     The priest said, "As Christ was anointed Priest, Prophet, and King, so may you live always as a member of his body, sharing everlasting life. He now anoints you with the chrism of salvation!"

     All together everyone said: 'Amen'. Well, all except for Maria who whispered to Josephine, "Did he say the: 'Jizm of Salvation?'" Maria braced for an elbow in the ribs, but when none was received she turned to look at Josephine. Her head was bowed as if in prayer, but she was looking at her hip. Maria leaned forward and saw the glow of a phone.

     "Unbelievable." Josephine shook her head, "Why couldn't you invite your Sunday school friend here? Then you could whisper your little dirty jokes to her."

#

     When Ryan exited the backdoor of the Trader Joes his head with still throbbing with a steady bass thump, and his bloodshot eyes squinted and grimaced at light of day. Maria was by the dumpster waiting for him, "You look like shit!"

     "Maria," he said excitedly, but her confused expression stopped him from running up and hugging her. "I was... I tried to find you last night, did you get out before the cops showed up?"

     "I never went. My parents were water-boarding the devil this morning--" Ryan looked confused. "My brother got baptized, and I couldn't get out last night."

     "Oh, good."

     "Good? You look like you had a fucking awesome time! I feel all left out!" Ryan handed Maria her phone and its charger. "Keep the charger here," she told him.

     "No. I'm done, I can't take care of your phone for you anymore."

     "You owe me three months!"

     "My boss is getting suspicious!"

     "Liar. You fucking owe me."

     "Fine, you want the truth? I saw what your red balloons were doing to people last night..."

     "So? What do you care?"

     "I feel like because I am helping you, that I was responsible. Maria, what if someone died last night? I couldn't live with myself."

     Maria glowered at him and took the phone out of his hands.

     "I... care about you Maria."

     "I have enough older brothers," she spat and walked away.

     Ryan called after her, but she didn't turn back around. He went back to work. Before I could've at least kept an eye on her, he thought. His phone chimed with a text:

     Madonna2000: Eeper Weeper, chimney sweeper, Had a wife but couldn't keep her. Had another, didn't love her, Up the chimney he did shove her.

     R3dHors3: What does that mean?

     R3dHors3: Hello? What the fuck does that mean?

Nursery rhymes + Petty Crimes

     Maria was awakened by an elbow being slowly ground into her eye socket. The needle of pain stabbed into the center of her brain, and as her world came into focus, she could barely see a midst the dancing splotches of blue and green from her one eye. The neighbor's fence still reflected the orange of streetlights, but the stars had all faded and the sky was a shade lighter than navy blue.

     "Damn it Mary, get back on your side of the bed!" She shoved the child away from her, which only continued rolling her up and pulled the last scrap of blankets off of Maria. Rubbing sleep from her eyes Mary said, "Maria you cursed!"

     "And you attacked me in your sleep, you're not possessed by the devil are you? Maybe we should get Joseph and Leah in here to exorcise you?"

     Mary shook her head fearfully. "I won't tell."

     Maria pulled the covers back over herself. Mary was looking at her, a question clearly ripening behind her big blue eyes. "What?" she said.

     "Why don't you call them Mom and Dad?"

     Mary was so innocent, she'd never been passed around to different foster homes, she'd just been scooped up by Joseph and Leah as a baby. Maria was ten when they brought her home. She remembered Mary screaming for years. Literally she would scream bloody murder if she was ever set down, or awakened suddenly. Leah worked too much to hold Mary all the time, and Joseph never touched the girls, so Mary was Maria's baby.

       Maria shrugged, curled up next to Mary and held her in her arms like she used to when she was three. Mary's heart was beating at a rate unconducive to sleeping; if Maria didn't calm her down Mary was going to keep her awake until breakfast. Maria quietly sang a lullaby into her ear. "Hush little baby don't say a word,
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird..."

     Disposable phone. Maria thought.

     "If that mockingbird won't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring..."

     Fake marriage license.

     "If that diamond ring turns brass, Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass..."

     Fake ID.

     "If that looking glass gets broke, Mama's gonna buy you a Billy goat..."

     A private hacker used for intimidation or blackmail.

     "If that Billy goat don't pull...

     Mama's not gonna get paid.

     "...Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull." Mary was sound asleep, and in her twitching she had elbowed Maria's ribs.

     Later that morning, around the breakfast table crowded with four boys; one older, and three younger; three girls, Mary, Maria, and their older sister Josephine; Joseph and Leah, Joseph reminded the older kids that there was no technology allowed in the kitchen, and asked them to all hold hands for the morning prayer. Sometime during The Lord's Prayer Josephine's phone beeped with series of texts, and the boys all tried their darndest not to snicker. After the prayer was over Josephine asked to be excused. Her request was denied by Joseph, yet somehow she managed to read the text without anyone noticing.

     "Maria," Josephine whispered, "It's one of your friends from Sunday school."

     " Madonna2000?"

     "Tell her to stop texting me."

     "What'd she say?"

     "Tell her to stop."

     "It'll stop when I get my own phone. What did--"

     "Forget it." Josephine went back to cutting her eggo with the edge of her fork.

     "Leeeeaaah?" Maria began in the tone reserved exclusively for tattling. Josephine shot her a glare, then she felt a phone land in her lap.

     While also pulling four hot waffles from the toaster and doling them out, Leah rolled her eyes and said, "Yes Maria?"

     "Why do Josephine and Thomas get to have phones?"

     Leah sighed, "We've already talked about this. You can have a phone in one more year when you turn sixteen."

     Maria dropped her eyes as if crestfallen, but quickly read the text off the phone in her lap.

     Madonna2000: We should hang out soon.

     Maria typed back: "Lol! K. C U," and tossed the phone back to Josephine, who called her a snitch under her breath.

#

     R3dHors3 saw her as soon as Maria entered the Trader Joes where he worked. They exchanged a glance, and she went out back to wait. Ten minutes later he came out holding an iphone with a moon and an anarchy 'A' symbol on the case.

     "Hey Ryan, thanks for being discreet."

     He got defensive, "Hey you said to text your sister if you ever got an emergency text." He handed the phone to her.

     "I wasn't being sarcastic. I appreciate your discretion. And, you know, the whole keeping my phone here thing."

     "No problem. I don't understand how you can... do what you do without a phone on you."

     "When do I not have a phone one me? You think you're my only phone? You sir, are my weekend phone."

     Ryan looked uncomfortable, "While I was using your phone to text your sister I saw one of your texts." Maria glared at him in a way that made him want to die. "I couldn't help it, it popped up while I was writing. It only caught my eye because I received the same one. It was from Gabriel inviting you to the rave."

     "What rave?"

     "Right. You haven't seen it yet. Friday night there's a rave at the abandoned mill on the south end."

     "Why are you telling me this?"

     "Because he sent you a second text right after, that didn't make any sense."

     Maria flicked through her phone and found the message:

     Gabriel: Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light, and the red balloon. Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodnight...

     "What is that?" Ryan asked.

     "Nothing. We just text each other nursery rhymes."

     "I heard he wasn't interested in you when he found out you were fifteen."

     Her phone buzzed with a text from caller unknown: The Queen of Hearts She made some tarts. All on a summer's day. Th...

    Ryan read it over her shoulder. "Bullshit, you're the only fifteen year old I know who pays in bit coin. What the fuck was that text?"

     "You ever heard of the story of The Old Woman and her Pig?"

     "Yeah, sure." He lied.

     "I'm the cow. You want something, you come to me and I make it happen."

     "Why not a fairy godmother?"

     Maria gave him a look, "Do I look like some kind of fairy to you? If I call myself a fairy people will be expecting me to do magic. As a cow, the only thing anyone can expect is milk."

     "What did Gabriel just ask for?"

     "So you looking to buy some information now? Is it worth three months of taking care of my phone?" Ryan nodded, hungry to be let in on the secret. "It's angina medicine."

     "What's angina?"

     "Now you want to use me like Google?" He was tempted to say yes, but knew what a month was worth to her and knew that he could get something better for his time.

     "No. You going to Gabriel's rave?"

     "Yeah."

     "How is it that your parents--"

     "Foster parents!"

     "--won't let you have electronics, but they'll let you go out on a Friday night?"

     "I have proxy parents on retainer. They're the "parents" of my "friend Sarah", who are also "hyper religious". The first time they called, was to ask if Sarah could sleep over at our house. They interviewed Joseph about his moral beliefs for ten minutes just to make sure that he and Leah were safe parents."

     "So who'd you end up paying to have a sleep over with you?"

     "No one. It turned out that Sarah got grounded for watching Lost on their netflix account."

     "You just told me more information about yourself than you charged me to know about Gabriel. You should be a little smarter."

     "You didn't ask about Gabriel, you asked about the code. And I'm telling you about myself so you'll believe it when I say I could have you killed." She pointed her point at him. She was smiling but Ryan honestly couldn't tell if she was joking or dead serious.

     "I gotta get back inside."

     "K. See you Friday."

     After Maria left, Ryan pulled out his own phone, looked up angina, and found out it was a heart condition treated by inhaling amyl nitrite. Is that what the "goodnight red baloon" shit was about? Next he looked up the Old Woman and her Pig. It was a nursery rhyme about an old woman was sweeping her house and found a crooked sixpence. He skipped ahead, found out she went to the market to buy a pig, but when she tried to take him home the stubborn pig refused to climb over the stile. The Old woman then goes on a long search for help, but no one will help her until she gets to a cow, gives it some hay, and it gives her milk.  As soon as the cat had lapped up the milk, the cat began to kill the rat; the rat began to gnaw the rope; the rope began to hang the butcher; the butcher began to kill the ox; the ox began to drink the water; the water began to quench the fire; the fire began to burn the stick; the stick began to beat the dog; the dog began to bite the pig; the little pig in a fright jumped over the stile; and so the old woman got home that night.

     After reading it Ryan thought, No one's happy except the old woman and the cow.

A Note from the Author: Sorry folks, ran out of time on this one. Post some comments about what I should do next week:  Second half, or something new?

Umbrellas + Dancing

I'm ashamed to admit that I've broken my own rules again. I'm so overwhelmed with my wedding in 20 days that adding a new thought to my brain is like adding another box to that floor-to-ceiling stack of pizza boxes in every bachelor's first apartment. Rather than give you nothing here's something I wrote back in 2009 which I just spent a while adding to and cleaning up.   -T

Umbrellas + Dancing

     On sunny days we avoid our gaze and let ourselves drift past, but rainy days require precaution: At worst if two should enter the same sidewalk square our tines may lock and cross ensnare; at best they might bother and spill droplets on each other. Also beware of condescension of condensation. First circumvent your consternation, I have a thought for consideration: The deluge extends a crook'd  handle like an eager suitor. It invites a change from the hustle and bustle, to perform a dance called the umbrella shuffle.

     Your partner for this do-si-do is a self-supported tarpaulin stretched taught on an aluminum skeleton. The nylon drizzle dome, tickled by the torrent,  pining for the pour, and mooning for a monsoon will tug your wrist with gyroscopic force as you twirl beneath the baldaquin of your target destination. But you are not alone on this dance floor the dimensions of a storefront door. As you advance through your step-sheathe-shake, which has allowed you to make the timely transition through thresholds; you eventually must navigate an equilibrist attempting their egress, for there is always that moment in time and space when two umbrelli want to occupy the same place.

     I am not ashamed to admit that I calculate my steps in an effort to force consent and cause a transitional accident. For in that line between wet and dry, we are obligated to meet eye to eye. Although this damp door dance may precipitate an uncomfortable instant under awnings, I know it can alleviate something lost in life's kerfuffle, and that’s why I love the umbrella shuffle.